London House prices have this evening gone back to roughly the same as the rest of the country thanks to a group of plucky protesters who today assisted in shutting a breakfast cereal shop in Shoreditch.
One protester told us that he felt a warm glow knowing that not only could people once again buy a 3 bedroom semi in the capital for £160k, but Londoners would no longer be enticed by unusual breakfast cereals at a mark up and, saved from such a fate worse than death, would now just be eating Weetabix at home at cost price.
“It was the last straw. No-one minds paying £1.80 in a cafe for a cup of tea that cost 4p, £2.50 for a soft drink in a pub that cost 30p or indeed £6 for a full English that the components of which cost £1.08 at cost. However, the cheek of charging a mark up on bowls of cereal, we just knew that we’d found the faeces ridden underbelly of the horned God of capitalism itself.”
“We knew we needed to get a posse together and drive them the hell outta town” Another explained.
One local resident told us that whilst he never trusted a man with a beard, especially two of them selling cereals at a mark-up, he had never seen today’s events coming.
“Who would have thought in an area of London owned by faceless corporations, it would be an independent cafe that was to blame. It’s an absolute turn up for the books. I would have thought Starbucks with their tax evasion and £4 for a coffee that cost sixpence might have been in some way to blame. Or the banks. Or the conservative party. Or Price Waterhouse Coopers. Or something.”
Present home owners are advised not to panic sell just in case the cafe opens up again and house prices shoot up again. Or something.