Farage “USA and UK should use me as a condom”

Britain should use Nigel Farage as a condom in its dealings with President Elect Donald Trump according to the former UKIP leader.

Speaking on the Andrew Marr show Mr Farage said “Obviously I object to being called a French tickler, but other than that it’s a fair analogy because from a diplomatic perspective I seek to offer the same assurances as a rubber prophylactic.”

Whilst Downing Street have yet to confirm or deny even the existence of such a position, let alone whether Farage has been offered it, Mr Trump has already tweeted “Many people would prefer me to put on a Nigel Farage before verbal intercourse with the British Government. He’s the best man for the job.”

Indeed whilst the British Government is widely expected to continue to use the rhythm method or withdrawal in their dealings with Mr Trump, Mr Farage is already being hailed as “Rubber Johnny English” by  White House staff according to US sources.

“The political revolution is not yet complete, nor will it be until I get the job as a transatlantic contraceptive, either metaphorically or literally.” A defiant Mr Farage told us.