People will be able to re-decorate their houses on a shoestring according to budget supermarket giant Lidl following revelations that their gravy contains paint.
A spokesman for the Europe-wide purveyors of cut price fodder explained “Some people may be put off their dinner slightly on finding out about the paint content in their gravy. But don’t worry if you’ve just poured it over a joint of beef. You merely need to spread the beef around your walls until it has all come off. Then you can eat the beef and hey presto you’ve decorated your house.”
“If people are concerned they can always pour our own brand paint over their Sunday roast as it most likely contains gravy”
Indeed Lidl are already putting measures in place to increase their production of the gravy/paint combo, likening the reports to a similar media outcry which occured when Iceland were caught putting horses in their ready meals.
“All Iceland food contains horse. And people boycotted it for a bit and then just thought,, fuck it, it’s cheap there. People will come back to us in their droves as well.. Eating paint just won’t be too much of a big thing.”
One Lidl customer said “It’s very disappointing. I had expected their gravy to have been produced from slow cooked organic beef and artisan vegetables. Still I’ve painted my house for a tenner and everyone thinks I’m living the high life. I can’t wait for them to do other colours.”