Lidl “You can paint your house with our gravy for less”

People will be able to re-decorate their houses on a shoestring according to budget supermarket giant Lidl following revelations that their gravy contains paint.

Tesco “If you don’t like us you can fuck off”

Tesco’s annual profits have fallen for the first time in almost 20 years, as the UK’s biggest supermarket confirmed it was pulling out of the US. Largely due to the failure of their US supermarket venture “Fat and Shooty”, a spokesman for the chain issued a statement in which he appealed to lost customers on […]