David Miliband leaves parliament to become train driver

David Miliband is planning to leave parliament to pursue his life long dream of being a train driver a close friend has confirmed to NewsToad.

“He’s always wanted to be a train driver and finally he’s going to be one. He’s only been doing politics whilst he has been waiting for a position to come up. And every evening he’s been returning to his bedroom shaped like a drivers cab where he puts on all the garb and sits there making train noises.”

Sources close to the Milibands have also confirmed that brother Ed is ‘absolutely livid’ regarding David’s new position. “They both applied for the same position working for Virgin Trains. Ed is now trying to use his influence as Leader of the Opposition to secure a position working for Eurostar by way of retaliation.”

The elder brother has denied that there is any jealousy or rivalry between the two siblings. “There’s absolutely no hard feelings between the two of us as we’ll both be in different careers. Mine will be driving trains. Yes me. Whoo Whoo Ed! How do you like that! Whoo Whoo!”