The Welsh language is merely gibberish made up on the spot according to scientists studying it to see if it is in fact a real language or just nonsense.
The startling findings came about after scientists found they could get away with being Welsh by simply fabricating lingustic noises, laughing for no apparent reason and singing a lot.
“If we then said ‘It’s alright, they’ve gone now’ in a welsh accent, everyone went back to speaking English.” One boffin explained.
Welsh politician and leader of Plaid Cymru Leanne Wood said “There actually is a Welsh language and the the suggestion that it is just contrived noises made up off the cuff, is quite frankly offensive . And entirely untrue. For example, what I’ve just said is ‘Inky Minky moo’ in Welsh.”
Yet despite these vehement denials, evidence is emerging that the ‘language’ was actually invented in a pub in the 1970s as a way pub locals could avoid making small talk with strangers.
“It’s gone too far and I just want it to stop. Sometimes I wouldn’t actually mind speaking to new people, but I feel compelled to start making up words and making my voice a bit more high pitched. It’s like a nervous tick.” One Merthyr Tydfil pub goer confided.