Tristram Hunt to challenge for Labour leadership

Former Shadow Education Secretary Tristram Hunt has announced his intention to challenge Jeremy Corbyn in a Labour leadership contest.

Making an impassioned speech outside the labour conference Mr Hunt said “Jeremy’s won the last two leadership contests, but actually if you take out all the people who joined the party recently it might have been a dead heat. But if you then added in all the people that tried to join or were banned from the party for swearing at some point then he would have won again. But if you then took out all the people who live in the north of England, and some Londoners, the working classes and maybe people who have tattoos then it’s still anybody’s game.

“Smith’s had a go. Eagle’s nearly had a go. It must be my turn.I suppose there’ll have to be some sort of vote. Ideally though Jeremy should just take the hint and  hand the leadership over.”

And Mr Hunt warned Labour members that the only way Labour could win an election is to vote for someone they don’t want

“People just keep voting for someone who is unelectable. What you people actually need is a feudal Lord who will waft around with a posh voice sounding very pleasant on the surface whilst constantly engaged in House of cards like skullduggery before wafting back to his family mansion and moving on to make a fortune through after dinner speaking.

“But I’m no quitter. If I lose I will stand for leadership of the Lib Dems and if I lose that then I’ll just have to lead the conservatives.” He assured us.