“We are mad swivel eyed loons” confirm grassroots Tory Activists

Conservative Party Co-chairman Lord Feldman has said he feels  ‘great relief’  today as the majority of grassroots party members have confirmed  “He’s absolutely right you know. We are mad, swivel-eyed loons”. Speaking at a hastily assembled press conference Lord Feldman admitted that at one point he thought he may have gone a bit far and trod on a few toes.

“I was a bit worried that the troops may not have liked being called such things and I might end up out on a limb, just like when Cecil Parkinson called grass roots conservatives cock wombles in the 1980’s. Thankfully they all seem quite up for this particular analogy.  Who would have thought? But then that’s mad swivel-eyed loons for you”.

Permanently disgruntled back bencher John Redwood  told us “It’s fair enough I suppose. We’ve been left in debt thanks to banks offering ill advised  sub prime mortgages in America and we’ve decided to solve it by reducing the standard of living of disabled people over here. Now we want to get rid of the National Health Service and most of us have a secret desire to be in an episode of Love Thy Neighbour, so we can’t be normal.  We’re fed up of David Cameron though. His eyes aren’t googly and swivelly enough.  Not like that Michael Gove, he’s a mad googly eyed ninja. And he should be our King.”

Nigel Fararage has offered an open invitation to all disillusioned swivel-eyed party members to jump ship and join UKIP.  “Swivelly eyes can be very useful, especially for looking at things in opposite directions at the same time.  And I don’t think you people are mad. You’re all as sane as I am. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to run around naked and bark like a dog”.