English Defence league succeed in defending England and promoting racial harmony


The British public this morning united as one to thank the English Defence League for being so quick off the mark to get together and defend Britain from extremists. By throwing bottles at the Police.

A spokesman from the Metropolitan Police told us “Initially we felt after an attack from Islamic extremists we could have been spending our time more productively then fending off missiles being thrown at us by white extremists. But then we realised they were throwing bottles filled with love, wisdom and inspiration for peace and understanding. They really do have our best interests at heart.”

“Strictly speaking we should be seen to arrest some people for the bottle throwing. Obviously under the EDL theory of blaming every single muslim for the acts of 2 extremists, we’re not going to go after specific EDL members. We’ll just arrest everyone with short hair.”

Home Secretary Theresa May joined the public in thanking the EDL for their speedy and effective response and hinted that many members may be in line for OBEs, or even the Nobel peace prize.  “It’s good to know that we have the EDL on hand to come and throw bottles at the police at a moments notice. In fact from now on whenever we need them we are going to call them using a giant torch such as the one used to summon Batman. Of course it won’t be a giant bat that we’ll be projecting onto the sky. It will be a giant bollock.”


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