England now put their hopes on the tennis


The English public are pinning their hopes on England to win the tennis at Wimbledon and thus soften the blow of their shattered hopes and dreams in the football.

One England fan told us “I’ve painted my house white with a red cross on it, I’ve got so many England flags hanging off my car I can’t see where I’m going and I’ve got that song that calls England Engerland playing permanently on my ipod. Yes it’s Andy Murray all the way for me.

“Andy Murray is English though isn’t he? At least until the referendum. But if he becomes Scottish he’ll have to leave his trophies here. They belong to team England, even if it’s only him in it.”

One other fan we spoke to had not only had the England flag tattooed over his entire body, but had had himself stretched into a square shape so as to similarly replicate the dimensions of an England flag.

“I’m just going into a lagered up jingoistic hyperdrive that starts now and ends with the olympics in 2016 via the commonwealth games, world snooker championships and the international curling championships. As long as I’m loudly and incomprehensibly screaming for my country and thus papering over the gaping cracks in my otherwise shattered life. I don’t even like sport.” He explained.

Former Brazilian football legend Pelé told us that whilst he would be supporting his home side he wished England every success. “If anyone can do it, Murray can” he told us.

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