Scottish referendum to be put back a year

The referendum on Scottish independence looks set to be put back a year to 2015 as both sides have argued that they have not had enough time to talk about it and discuss all the issues.

Scotland’s First Minister and SNP leader, Alex Salmond, explained “It’s scarcely been mentioned in the media and half of the UK probably don’t even know we’re having a referendum.

“Personally I think we actually need another two years. There’s a lot to debate. It might seem like we’re just shouting cunt at each other but that’s merely a mirage covering an underlying intellectual debate based on evidence based hypothesis.”

However one other activist told us ” It most certainly is about shouting cunt. I have made a personal pledge to point angrily at every single person supporting a united Britain and call them a proper cunt. After all, they have metaphorically called me a cunt by being in the no camp, so they started it.”

The decision comes as J K Rowling today rewrote some of her famous Harry Potter stories to cast the boy wizard as a staunch ‘better together’ activist. The Yes camp have however hit back with the adventures of  Angus McNoo the Weegie Warlock.

One Scotsman we spoke to told us “The answer is noo. I don’t know what the question is and I can’t remember what noo means. I can’t even remember what my opinion is on the matter, let alone the wider issues and implications. All I know is that I’m going to stand here shouting noo until the referendum, whether that be this year, next year or the year after. And if you think I’m going to stop shouting noo after that then you’re probably very much mistaken.”