Manchester United fans are said to be livid today at news that an imminent ban on tablet computers at Old Trafford may mean having to watch football for virtually the whole duration of each visit.
One furious fan told us “I paid 900 odd quid for my season ticket, well my company did anyway, and I sometimes go to the matches, I’ve got the scarf and everything. And they pay me back by making me watch the football. I would have a fight instead but they’ve banned that too. The whole thing’s becoming ridiculous”
Another fan said “If they honestly think that I’m going to spend the best part of 2 hours watching disgustingly overpaid foreign mercenaries kicking a ball about and pretending to fall over, without being able to update my online status, tell everyone I’m there and pretend to enjoy it on Facebook and Twitter, then they can fuck off. I’ll just swear my allegiance to another corporation owned by a tycoon or hedge fund that has no connection to the city that the team is named after. Then I’ll buy myself a new scarf and take selfies of me wearing it.”
A spokesman for the Glazer brothers issued the following statement “We’ve been informed of a security threat revolving around tablet computers. People may be bringing in dummy tablets that contain muslims.”
So far the only teams to be banning tablet computers are Manchester United and their fierce rivals Gucci Rovers.
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