“It’s all gone too far” as Salmond hints at move to No camp

alex salmond wicker man

In his strongest hint yet at a move to the No camp, SNP leader Alex Salmond has told a heaving press conference that he sees himself very much as a floating voter.

“I have to be honest. This was all supposed to be a protest vote against a very temporary Conservative led coalition, which would result in me being famous and able to compete on Celebrity Come Dancing. We’re not actually supposed to win. I haven’t a clue how to run a country and everyone’s going to blame me if it all goes wrong. I’ve not even sorted out a currency, or a postal system, or a defence plan. The truth be told I’m absolutely shitting it.” he explained.

The statement coincides with a lead in the polls for the Yes camp and a stark warning from Former labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who reportedly told Mr Salmond  “If the crops fail Alex, your people will sacrifice you.”

However, one Yes campaign activist we spoke to showed no signs of echoing Mr Salmond’s wobble. “It’ll be fine. Any other country that has been governed by a party with ‘Nationalist’ in the title has done really well. I think.” he told us.

Despite Mr Brown’s warnings, a spokesman for the foreign office has argued that Mr Salmond need not fear reprisals from people on realising that he might just might have been embellishing the truth just a tiny bit.

“He can simply go into hiding somewhere on a different continent. Saudi Arabia will most likely take him but enclose him on a compound where he can eat a solid diet of oranges like former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin.” we were told.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: