Prime Minister David Cameron has today assured pupils at Eton, Harrow and Westminster schools that their education will continue to be immune from cuts as long as they continue to have incredibly rich parents. As part of a whistle stop tour of Britain’s top public schools Mr Cameron promised the offspring of his friends that their education would continue to be first class, thus assuring a significant advantage for them over much brighter pupils from state schools, whose own education is to be shafted from a great height under the guise of “difficult decisions”.
Speaking in a reassuring fashion to some worried faces Mr Cameron said “There’s nothing worse than your parents paying a fortune for your education only to find out that poor kids are getting a reasonable education themselves on the state. It’s all gone too far, so we’re going to scale it all down a bit. Of course, we can’t eradicate state education completely. These people will need some literacy so they can read the lists when you send them out to do your shopping.”
The Prime Minister is thought also to be visiting Stowe, Dragon and Charterhouse schools to assure all pupils their education is safe. A Government source said “He genuinely cares. If he’s guilty of anything, it’s caring too much.”
One parent said he thought that the Government’s decision not to increase state education spending in line with inflation could be short sighted and mean difficult times ahead for much of society.
“But on the other hand I’m very rich and I don’t care.” He assured us.
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