Tax evading tycoon Paul Bloomfield is said to be having a wank in a big pile of money this morning at news that HMRC are unable to sting him for a penny of his £60 million plus fortune.
Speaking candidly via his diamond encrustred cellphone and giving an explanation peppered with intermittent groaning the contribution shy tycoon said “I’ve been squirrelling money away where nobody can find it. I’ve also been waving it around and shoving it in people’s faces. I even made myself a massive coat made out of money. And as I’ve still managed to successfully claim that I don’t earn a penny I’m going to start having a huge wank on top of a hill made out of my personal cash and I’m going to film it and put it on you tube”
But the multi-millionaire had a stark warning for the HMRC and the British public as a whole. “If you try and make me pay any tax I’ll take my lack of contribution elsewhere.”
“And in in any event vinegar strokes are fully tax deductable so I might just stay here” He added
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne assured the public that he would pretend to leave not a stone unturned in bringing such people to justice. “They may seem like our friends but we’ll treat them like any other corporate criminal. Yes we’ll waggle our fingers at them a bit in an accusatory manner, And then we’ll possibly send them a letter. And then ask them to pay back just a tiny bit of what they owe. And if they refuse then it”ll just fizzle out.” He explained.
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