In a new craze more perverse than dogging, Britain is reportedly set to watch a parade of zebra like creatures running amok with no particular sense of purpose, whilst being straddled and sporadically whipped by human dwarfs.
One insider who wished to remain anonymous told us “I’ve been to these events, it’s like something out of mad max. But with even stupider hats”
Due to a loop-hole in the law, the practice is not actually illegal if the creatures used are officially classified as horses so the zebras are painted by criminal gangs in workshops on an industrial scale. However, a spokesman for the police has denied that bribes from rich zebra owners have caused them to turn a blind eye to the practice.
“Nobody has brought any such event to our attention but should there be any truth in these allegations, we will obviously arrest everyone concerned.”
However, we went to a branch of William Hill where we had been told bets could be placed on the outcome of such races as long as they were requested in a very deep voice whilst winking continuously. To our surprise we were shown a list of all the odds for each zebra on a list displayed for anyone to see.
We made an excuse and left.