The British public have spent the night en masse waking up every two hours or so in empathy with the Royal couple who have spent the first night at home with the Royal baby. Some it’s thought set their own alarms whilst in some areas entire towns relied on former WWII air raid sirens to ensure they were up regularly in sympathy with the Royal couple. And their extensive staff team.
One lady in Nuneaton told us “I’m so tired but it’s worth it. I feel like she’s everyone’s baby and our Princess of hearts. She’s also our Princess of filling her nappy with shit and crying alot.”
Another lady in Redhill said “I’ve just had a baby myself so I’ve been getting up every two hours anyway. Unfortunately it’s a different two hourly cycle to the one that I’m imagining Kate getting up on so that means I’m getting up every hour. But I want Kate to feel that I’m with her in spirit. And her 24 hour team of Doctors, nurses and midwives.”
It appears that many men as well as women have been keen to perform pretend virtual parental duties. One gentleman told us “I set my alarm for 3.30am to get up and feel in my heart of hearts that I was in spirit tending to the royal baby, Obviously I live in a terraced house in Redcar so there was very little for me to actually do physically. So I watched the Mayweather v Pacquiao fight instead.”
Wealthy anarchist Russell Brand told us that he had slept through the entire night and unpatriotically planned to do the same tomorrow.
“I think we should vote for the new Royal baby. We should line all the babies up and let the public decide. Not me though. You won’t catch me voting.”