Iain Duncan Smith is reportedly off to the pub with his imaginary friends this evening after a hard day’s fabricating stories from fictional benefits claimants.
Dressed in his evening attire and ready for a night on the tiles, the Work and pensions Secretary told us “I may have bent the truth a little bit regarding the claimants, but I can assure you that my friends aren’t imaginary. I’ve got lots of real friends and I’m meeting them for a proper night down the boozer. Dave’s coming. Yes and Trevor. And Dozy, Beaky Mick and Titch. We’ll be getting right on it.
“I can’t tell you where we’re going, it’s a secret. But believe me they’ll be loads of us. We’ll be making lots of noise, doing shots and having banters.
“And Sarah and Zac from the DWP leaflets will be coming as well. You see outside work some of my best friends are benefit claimants. Obviously we have our ups and downs over the benefit sanctions thing but then we share a beer and laugh about it. How we laugh.”
But it’s not all wild nights for Mr Duncan Smith who reportedly isn’t averse to a quiet night in and an early night either. “Sometimes I like to curl up for the night with a cup of cocoa and a single imaginary scrap of evidence that universal credit and benefit sanctions are a good idea.” He mused.