Mass school brawl probably over conkers or scrumping


Secretary of State for Education Justine Greening has told critics that the recent mass brawl involving 100 school pupils in Northumberland Heath was probably due to lack of conkers due to the late autumn or perhaps someone scrumping more than their fair share of apples from nearby farms and gardens.

“It’s clearly a case of high jinx and tomfoolery.” Mrs greening said of the pitch battle that ensued with children up to the age of 21 armed with base ball bats and concrete blocks.

“I expect someone had a little bit less tuck in their tuck box than the others bless them. It might even have been some sort of inter-house rivalry. Someone might have attained lower points than someone else at Latin and consequently lost their chance to become Head boy. In any event they were just playing rugby without the ball.”

However Mrs Greening later came under fire from critics having apparently performed a U-turn in terms of her stance on the matter.

“I’m terribly sorry, you meant state school pupils didn’t you. I thought you were talking about children from private schools or at least Grammar schools. What I actually meant to say was hang them.” She explained.



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