Trump orders review of guidelines regarding sticking your dick in a blender


President Trump has ordered an immediate review into bureaucratic and stifling guidelines that recommend not putting your dick in a blender.

“It’s overly restrictive and it’s all been put in place to appease the Muslims. Any Christian folk know that God and God alone will prevent them getting their dick maimed in a blender if they so decide to put it in there and switch it on, on the pulse setting. Not Government guidelines.”

Indeed the US economy has already rocketed following the news with blender manufacturers already reporting increased sales and increased profits as they no longer have to include a safety manual or at least the bit at the end of the safety manual about putting your dick in a blender

One Trump supporter told us that because Mt Trump was so rich and rode up and down in a gold plated elevator he could definitely be trusted on this one.

“I can only assume that the previous advice from the Obama administration has come straight from the Mouth of none other than Lucifer himself. I’m inserting myself into a Magimix as we speak. God bless you Mr Trump.”

In other news, Mr Trump’s sons are reported to have heavily invested in both Magimix and hospitals.

“I have no idea. We never discuss my business affairs now I am President.” Mr Trump assured.

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