Trump to ban magic carpets and lamps

trump-dick-in-a-blender

President Trump is to ban all immigrants arriving in the USA on a magic carpet and has authorised extreme vetting of those carrying oil lamps, to make sure they don’t contain genies.

Working on a document apparently recorded over 1001 nights in the Persian area, Mr Trump has come under criticism for refusing to listen to intelligence briefings on the matter.

A spokesman for the United States Department of Homeland Security said “We’ve tried to tell him it was a children’s book left by President Obama from when his daughters were younger. Unfortunately he just keeps shouting fake news and asking us to leave his meetings.”

Despite the fact that there have been no reported terrorist attacks by genies or jihadists on magic carpets Mr Trump has warned that any attempts by the courts to block his legislation could put national security at risk.

“There are some bad hombres. 40 to be exact and they’ll be hiding in oil drums.” He told us.

 

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