World leaders have today been united in their resentment of Kim Jong-Un’s birthday treat from his government, a Unha-3 rocket, launched at 09:49 local time (00:49 GMT), which appears to have followed its planned trajectory, whilst dropping all manner of shit in expected areas.
In a televised statement issued by the Korean central News Agency, a government spokesman has announced the setting off of a “very special firework for a very special little soldier”
David Cameron was just one of many world leaders to express their annoyance at the giant firework. “I work day in, day out, upsetting people and blindly following half baked non evidence based austerity measures, so you think I’d at least get a giant Catherine wheel and a sparkler. But no, I get nothing. That Kim Jong-Un’s got it all, the lucky bastard. And his country’s press say nice things about him”
President of the United States of America, Barak O’Bama has announced similar sentiments, stating that whilst he felt Mr Jong-Un was entitled to receive nice birthday presents, perhaps he shouldn’t show off about them so much in front of everybody else. “Every birthday I seem to get the same thing, a remote control plane. Nobody has bought me a giant firework like that for years!”
French president François Hollande could barely contain his envy when he spoke to us, “Why does he get such expensive presents when the rest of us are having to cut back. He doesn’t deserve it, he’s a naughty little boy. Look at him with his piggy little eyes!”
China have urged restraint but suggested that Mr Jong-Un should learn to share.
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