Tesco “We’re watching you buy our shit food”


Tesco have answered critics of their new face scan technology and subsequent targeted advertising with the following explanation. “We’re just watching you buy our shit food.”

The supermarket giant has come under fire today for it’s new face recognition technology which looks at your face and deep into your soul. It then uses sophisticated technology to decide what type of processed ready meal to hard sell you.

Nick Pickles of Big Brother Watch said “It’s an infringement of personal privacy. The cameras can tell your age, sex and ethnic origin. They then use that to produce targeted advertising which always ends up in you buying meat products that look like whole pieces, but end up being chopped, mixed with some scary stuff and shaped back into a meat shaped lump. And they don’t just do it with meat.  If the cameras think that you look like a vegetarian they will show you some vegetable based products that are chopped, mixed with some scary stuff and shaped into a meat shaped lump. Unless you don’t look like a vegetarian in which case it’ll be meat.”

A spokesman for Tesco has shrugged off such concerns. “It really shouldn’t be of any concern to our customers. Yes we monitor everything about you including your mannerisms. But whatever you look like, wherever you come from, no matter what your age, income or country of origin, we’re just going to be trying to sell you some shit made out of processed chicken.”

One shopper who was just leaving the Parkhurst store told us that this new policy may well be the last straw.”I’ve just bought chicken kievs. But they’re not lovely chicken breasts delicately filled with garlic and dill butter. It’s all chopped, mixed with scary stuff and shaped back into a chicken kiev shaped lump. I blame that face recognition technology.”

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