Commonwealth Games end as Queen sends lions in

queen commonwealth games

The commonwealth games has ended abruptly today with reports that the Queen has used her ancient yet rarely used power to release a pride of hungry lions into the stadium. The Commonwealth Games, previously called the ‘British Commonwealth Games’, before that the ‘Countries Britain has Invaded and Colonised Games’ and before that the ‘See if these foreigners can run faster than a lion Games’, were due to run for the next 2 weeks, though constitutionally can be stopped the moment a reigning monarch gets a little bit bored with it all.

The last time the power was used was by the Queen in 1954 when it looked like Roger Bannister was about to be beaten by a gentleman from the Caribbean.

Mr Bannister, who went on to win the race and famously break the 4 minute mile, told us “I remember it like it was yesterday. It was pretty hairy when her Majesty let the lions in, luckily I always used to run armed with a hunting rifle and a blunderbus so I wasn’t eaten like many of my competitors. This year when I heard Usain Bolt, Mo Farah and Katarina Johnson-Thompson had bowed out of the games at the last minute, it was quite obvious that they had been tipped off about the likelihood of an imminent bit of orchestrated big cat carnage. ”

The tragedy will be a blow to the sporting world with numerous casualties including the entire team from the Pointless Islands who were mauled and unable to compete in their national sport of slow bicycle racing.

It is thought that the Isle of Wight team may win all medals by default having failed to arrive for the opening ceremony or the first day due to their steadfast refusal to travel to Glasgow by any other method than a 1950s charabanc, driven solely via B Roads.


  1. Ha! excellent šŸ™‚

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