Michael Eavis has built a 40 foot high fence around tomorrow’s solar eclipse and hired a large security firm to ensure that only those who have paid him £400 a ticket or are on some sort of corporate guest list can sneak a peak.
Speaking on Radio One’s Newsbeat Mr Eavis said “I’m very proud to have bought the rights to my first solar eclipse. And whilst I’m deeply sorry that many of you couldn’t get tickets, it will all be shown live on BBC2 with Jo Wiley talking through it like a post-ironic condescending sixth former.”
Indeed tickets which went on sale this morning are rumoured to have been sold out within minutes with many young people seeing the eclipse as their last chance to be a bit deep and hippy before going to work in a merchant bank.
Mr Eavis has fought back at critics who say that the eclipse should be free or at the very least affordable saying that the high ticket price and the very high wall are there to fend off unruly elements who may commit acts of petty crime whilst burning their own retina.
“Of course people will moan about some mythical time when they were apparently able to trot up without a ticket and enjoy the eclipse free of charge and quite frankly these people need to grow up. Of course they’re wrongly thinking the eclipse is going to be caused by the moon. This time the sun is going to be obscured by Kanye West’s big fat egotistical head. Or possibly Kim Karsashian’s arse.” He explained.