Ed Miliband has promised voters a shift away from new Labour and a return to regular power cuts and frequent industrial action based on the passing whims of shop stewards who just fancy a day in the pub.
Having just unveiled the new Labour manifesto Mr Miliband told a heaving press conference “We need the entire workforce to down tools and walk out every time management discuss work issues during tea breaks, ask people to work harder or even look at someone in the workforce funny. Particularly people who work for power stations and utility companies so the electricity goes off half way through the six o’clock news.”
“Am I ready to do this? Hell yes. Did you hear that? I said hell.”
The Labour Leader has also promised a shift from canapés and vol au vents to ham sandwiches and flasks of tea in order to win its core support back.
“And we’ll be shutting pubs in the afternoons again.” He promised.
One estranged Labour supporter told that he felt satisfied that the party had learnt from its mistakes.”I’d gone right off labour because they were no longer left wing enough and so I was going to vote for a borderline racist right wing party run by a former public school boy and city trader. But now Ed’s promising to take our taxes and wank them in to a bucket. They’ve got my vote.”