Social housing to have lower ceilings

All social housing is set to be refitted with lower ceilings as part of a new Government scheme to fit more people in a block of flats.

The ambitious scheme was defended this morning on the Andrew Marr show by George Osborne who explained:

“In days of yore people were shorter, mainly due to poor healthcare and malnutrition.. And we have every reason to think that by cutting the welfare bill that will be the case again. I expect the  lefties will probably complain in the short term about people having to crawl around their own homes without lifting their heads too high. But personally I like to see it as one long game of limbo for them, the lucky sods.

Of course, this work will cost a fortune and its not fair that it should come out of the treasury coffers. So we’ll be raising the rent and lowering housing benefit. But it’s all right. Flatter flats will be also be cheaper to heat I would imagine.”

Work and Pensions Secretary iain Duncan Smith said that he had not visited any of the new schemes himself due to unfortunately suffering with claustrophobia but felt it was neccessary to break the cycle of dependence.

“if people can go home and live the life of Riley standing up in their flats and houses then there’s no incentive for them to work. If we make them crawl around on their bellies like snakes then they’ll be up and out and gamboling down to the job centre like job seeking spring lambs. If I’m guilty of anything it’s caring too much.”

The move has gone down surprisingly well with many housing tenants. One told us “It’s harsh but it’s fair and it has caused me to rethink my life. So I’ve decided to do the right thing and be middle class and privately educated with rich parents.”