The Scottish Parliament have refused to deny that they are building a wicker man for Donald Trump’s next visit to the British Isles.
Some 60 foot high and erected on Mr Trump’s own golf course, it’s thought that the locals plan to lure the toupeed tycoon into it via some cock and bull story about a missing girl and a number of unusual song and dance routines.
Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said “Its an ancient Celtic tradition practised by druids where sacrificing someone of great importance could bring good luck to the locals and increase the chances of a bountiful harvest. Or possibly it was a complete fallacy made up as a propaganda tool by the Romans 2000 years back. Either way we’re building one and shoving him in it. And there will be much song and merriment.”
Mr Trump however has refused to accept that the Scottish people would see him with any emotion other than adoration and has subsequently put the whole thing down to Muslims.
“I am actually the most Scottish person you will ever meet. I’m so Scottish that if anything they will be asking me who to put in the wicker man. And the answer to that that will be virtually everyone else. Except me.” He explained.
A spokesman for the White House said “We would ask the Scottish First Minister to ensure Mr Trump is entirely safe from ritual sacrifices. That is we would ask her that if he wasn’t a total bell-end. But he is so we haven’t.”