Lib Dems to diversify into making cheese


Senior Liberal Democrats have today warned members that the party no longer has enough support to be viable as a political institution alone, and as a result should also start making cheese.

  Speaking at their spring conference Party leader and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg underlined the reasons behind the changes. “Jessops, Blockbuster and Comet all refused to diversify when times were hard, just holding on and hoping for some change of fortune. We’ve realised that we have to move with the times. We can no longer realistically exist on politics alone so obviously we’re going to split our resources between that and cheese”.

 Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills Vince Cable voiced his full support for the changes. “We’re clearly the right party to make cheese as our party colour is yellow and that is also the colour of cheese. Labour and the Conservatives have red and blue as their colours, and that doesn’t translate into cheese at all. Apart from Red Leicester and Blue cheese.” He conceded.

  UKIP leader Nigel Farararage was more cynical about the Lib Dem’s additional activities. “This is clearly an act of desperation and translates directly as a vote for UKIP. We’ll be watching their cheese production closely in case they start making foreign cheeses like Camembert, and we’ll be helping to ensure that all Lib Dem cheese is placed on a cracker rather than spread onto a baguette” he assured.

  Mr Cable was asked to comment on the imminent sentencing of disgraced former Lib Dem couple Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce, but he explained that due to the new party format he wouldn’t be allowed. “Look I’d love to comment on this but as part of our new structure Monday is a ‘cheese day’ so I can only answer questions about cheese. Go on, ask me something about a lump of cheddar”.

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