As a result of today’s cross party agreement, Hugh Grant has confirmed that he will be accepting the position of ‘King of the Newspapers” and as of today all news stories must be submitted to him for approval and editing. The new role is thought to run concurrently with his present position of playing Hugh Grant in a variety of Hugh Grant films.
The aging public school sixth former told us “The press can be a force for good such as when they give good reviews to films such as ‘Love Actually’. However sometimes they can be quite out of control such as when they give bad reviews to films like ‘Love Actually’. Or grass me up for picking up prostitutes. Either way it’s all got to stop.”
Whilst the new position has had the full backing of Labour and the Lib Dems there has been some criticism from the Conservative party that Mr Grant is only prepared to read one article a day before meeting up for lunch with Julia Roberts in Notting Hill to complain about it. One government minister told us “It’s all going to make the press system a little slower than we’re used to. But then it’s reading that got us all into this terrible mess in the first place. And newspapers will end up being a lot lighter. So that’ll be good for our backs.”
Mr Grant was kind enough to give us a statement via the voicemail on Julia Roberts’ mobile phone. “I’ve had a terribly laborious day Julia. I had to read a whole article all by myself. And then replace all the bits that say ‘twat’ with ‘man of the people’. It’s all ever so taxing”.
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