Cameron teaches Clegg to say “sausages”

Nick clegg2

Months of speculation as to the exact nature of Prime Minister David Cameron’s private meetings with Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, came to an end today as it transpired that Mr Cameron has been teaching Mr Clegg to say ‘Sausages’.

A conservative party insider told us “Our plans to ridicule the Lib Dems have backfired a little, as all their supporters seemed to be backing Labour now. We were reminded of the 1980s show ‘That’s Life’ which also would have gone up its own arse, if it wasn’t for that bloke teaching a dog to say ‘Sausages’. David realised that if he could teach Nick to say ‘sausages’ live on television, it might save the coalition.”

Indeed, one audience member we spoke to was filled with admiration for both Mr Clegg and Mr Cameron. “It was amazing. Nick Clegg said ‘Sausages’ and I couldn’t see Mr Cameron’s lips move. In fact he wasn’t even there! I think he might have said a few other words as well but I didn’t think anything else was going to top him saying ‘sausages’ so I left there and then!”

A usually vitriolic Nigel Farararage leader of UKIP was on this occasion full of admiration for the coalition. “I would usually be very cynical about the whole thing, but teaching a man to say ‘sausages’ is a good move on behalf of the government. But then I would say that as I’m half man half beagle. And beagles love sausages!”

Lib Dem number two Vince Cable was also very complimentary about the Deputy Prime Minister’s new party piece. “I’m 100% behind Nick. And when I usurp him as leader in a few months I’m going to learn to say sausages.”


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