New British hopeful Molly Smitten-Downes has pledged to win the 2013 Eurovision song contest for Britain without singing a note in the conventional sense, but by simply farting along with the background music, in a surprise announcement from the British Eurovision Committee.
The singer,aged 26, has welcomed the challenge of representing her country and feels she has learnt from past mistakes of her countrymen. “We haven’t had a win since Katrina and the Waves in 1997 and we need to learn from these mistakes. When Englebert Humperdink and Gemini sung out of their mouths they came last. It doesn’t take Dr Stephen Hawking to work out that if I sing out of my arse I’m going to come first.”
According to BetVictor her odds have been been slashed from 12/1 to 6/1
Tony Burrows from 1976 winners Brotherhood of Man was full of support for Britain’s new hope in what for many is simply referred to as the shitty song contest of despair. “She’s got the right game plan. She just needs to watch her diet and make sure she doesn’t follow through on stage. We’ve all done it once or twice but this is Eurovision.”
However, others have urged Ms Downes to keep her feet on the ground at this stage as her planned bout of arse harmonics could go either way. Indeed, Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson are said to have filed for bankruptcy after using their own cash to finance the new ‘flatulent mix’ of ‘I know him so well’, and Sinead O’Connor’s bottom burp version of ‘Nothing compares to you’ has been lambasted by critics.
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