Prison now indistinguishable from a royal variety performance

rolf harris royal variety

Criminals throughout the country are reportedly owning up to their crimes and then committing more in order to ensure a custodial sentence where they will stand a good chance of being entertained for free by a plethora of music hall talent from the 1970s.

One judge we spoke to told us “We’re getting through convictions like it’s going out of fashion. Felons are arriving with cast iron proof of their guilt in the form of documentary and video evidence and begging me to give them a custodial sentence.”

Indeed, one prison governor told us that his prison was already at breaking point. Unfortunately we’re seen as a desirable lifestyle rather than a deterrent and they’re all piling in early to make sure they get the good seats.  You’ve got Rolf Harris singing Jake the Peg, Garry Glitter performing My Gang, Stuart Hall compering, Max Clifford sorting out the other acts and Jimmy Saville’s bound to have something to do with it. Then you’ve got Dave Lee travis and Jimmy Tarbuck trying to decide whether to join them or not. One things for sure anyone who’s so much as sung in a pub in the 1970s is probably going to end up doing chokey. It’s going to be 24 hours of solid entertainment in between the slopping out and the stabbings.”

A spokesman for the Daily Mail has called the situation disgusting and called for all entertainers to be released immediately.

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