Illegal not to like Dolly parton

Britain has today been coming to terms with the fact that as of the week-end it is now illegal not to like Dolly Parton. After what has been named the biggest concert by anyone ever, (aside from North Korea’s Kim Jong Un fest where the entire country’s population come to see their great leader play the xylophone), offenders who refuse to become fanatical over 1970s American mainstream guff are set to face criminal charges.

Allegedly there were other bands playing at the time of Mrs Parton’s concert on the main stage at Glastonbury festival but as yet no-one has come forward to confirm this. “In any event they would be clearly transgressing the ‘playing music but not being Dolly Parton at the time of a Dolly Parton gig in the immediate vicinity’ act of 2014” a police source told us.

One festie goer told us “Every time we tried to leave and see some other bands in some other fields we were just kettled and pushed back in by very angry police. They were then hitting anyone not smiling or singing along to 9 to 5 with their truncheons. We all ended up smiling and joining in with the whole thing out of fear.”

Another who requested to remain anonymous said “But I really hate Country and stupid Western. It’s shit. Wasn’t Glastonbury supposed to be about alternative culture and fighting against the establishment? Having said that  I’m not prepared to do time over it so I’ve bought myself a  wig and Dolly Parton jumpsuit and I’m going to prance around sporting a pair of falsies. That should keep me out of the nick.”