Britain braces itself for the noisiest winter on record

fish noisy weather

Britain has been warned to brace itself for the noisiest winter on record as longtitudinal waves formed from compressions and rarefactions of air are amplified by the gulf stream.

A spokesman for the Met office said “I’ve no idea what temperatures we’re going to experience but whatever weather we do have is definitely going to make a big noisy song and dance out of the whole thing.”

Britain has in the past been known for it’s relatively quiet weather. But now everyone has better car stereos MP3 players and sound bars for their televisions. All that noise has to go somewhere. Often it is caught in the clouds and comes back at us in conjunction with some sort of weather which it uses as a vehicle.

“The only way to quiet things down a bit is for everyone to be very quiet for a couple of years and give the auditory ecosystem a chance to repair itself. Of course it won’t work unless we have China on board who unfortunately seem intent on carrying on making lots of noise regardless.”

Acoustic climate change denier and UKIP leader Nigel Farage told us that the world was becoming naturally more noisy irrespective of interference from mankind.

“It’s nothing to do with us. In the Bronze age for example our population was only a fraction of what it is now and you couldn’t hear yourself think.” he explained.

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