Katie Hopkins to be turned into theme park

Former Apprentice contestant and twitter troll Katie Hopkins is set to be transformed into a theme park according to ambitious new plans which received planning permission this morning. Situated at the top of the Dover cliffs the park is likely to include white only knuckle rides

A spokesman for Dover Council said the attraction could be the boost that the region needed.

“Rather than trying to shut her up all the time we should embrace her as a national treasure. And what better way to do that than stretch her on a rack, inflate her using an array of inert gases and open her up as a theme park so generation after generation can enjoy her on bank holidays.”

She’s going up her own arse and she’s invited all members of the public who fit her narrow criteria to go up it with her. Through into a portal to another world of bigoted attractions and intolerant fairground rides. Unless people aren’t middle class in which case despite her reconstructed form she’ll still be able to tighten her sphincter muscles to deny them entry. And even if the get past that they’ll still have to pay the unemployed, disabled, immigrant, overweight, working class supplement.

Hopkins has confirmed that despite being her new stretched proportions of one square kilometre she would keep at least one finger the same size so as to point it with derision at those not fortunate enough to be turned into a huge outdoor amusement park. “If I don’t champion the needs of white middle class families who can afford to eat every evening in Michelin star restaurants then who will?”