Prince Andrew demoted to a Lord

Prince Andrew has been secretly demoted to a Lord until the whole thing blows over according to a palace insider.

Speaking from a concealed vantage point behind a corgi our source told us “It’ll hit him hard. The transformation from having everything handed to you on a plate to just having most things handed to you on a plate won’t be easy. The rest of the immediate family are obviously being very nice about it on the surface and he will be constantly reminded that he need not heed the ‘No Lords’ areas of Buckingham Palace but with a very subtle, constant undercurrent that being just a Lord is a bit shit.”

Royal correspondent and recovering ginger Nicholas Witchell told us that he would still be doffing his cap and tugging his forelock at Lord Andrew like a sycophantic fawning buffoon, but not to the same extent as he would have done when he was a prince.

“He won’t be allowed to eat swan anymore. And he’s going to have to get used to a servant wiping his arse with normal loo paper rather than special Royal toilet parchment pulped by hand from ancient woodland.” He warned.

“And in the event that he was found guilty of anything then he might be demoted further to Viscount which is generally akin to the title of gimp within the aristocratic world.” he added.

One member of the House of Lords said “Now he know’s what life’s like for the rest of us.”