Jeremy Hunt must have a camera inserted into his anal passage as a matter of urgency according to Doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals.
A spokesman for St Mary’s hospital Paddington said “We can confirm that we will be sending out an ambulance to pick up Mr Hunt with a mind to bringing him to have a camera put up his arse as a matter of urgency. We can’t tell you why he needs a camera up his arse because that would break patient confidentiality but rest assured it’s absolutely essential that we do insert a camera firmly into his anus with great velocity.”
One Doctor speaking from Southampton General Hospital who had also sent out an ambulance for the Health Secretary told us “It might seem a little harrowing but Mr Hunt will be able to gain solace from the fact that a Colonoscopy is a perfectly routine diagnostic examination performed for many patients on a daily basis. Sadly due to NHS cutbacks there’ll be no local anaesthetic and we will be forced to replace the commonly used miniature endoscope with a full size Victorian camera with a man under the hood and a gunpowder flash.
“And due to the seven second exposure time required to take an accurate photo, if his sphincter moves so much as a millimetre , we’ll have to repeat the process again and again.
“It’s got to be done though.”