A Conservative party candidate has been caught on camera openly admitting that none of us are any more important than the other no matter what our race, social class or political leanings, and rather than pursing wealth at all costs to the detriment of others we should in fact work together and ensure equality for all, as equal members of the human race.
A very red faced David Cameron said “We don’t know if the allegations are true but if they are, it doesn’t look good. Members of our party who are publicly blaming all society’s problems on immigrants, the poor and the disabled whilst in fact striving for an egalitarian society are going to make us look stupid and all the donations from super rich tycoons will dry up.”
The revelations arose as part of an ITV documentary where Conservative candidate for Horton Cum-Studley Sebastian Pilkington-Cunt was recorded on camera admitting that not only did he feel that we should not be blaming low earners and disabled people for a recent world wide recession, but that he actually didn’t enjoy spending his spare time being hit with a piece of birch by a dominatrix either.
Conservative Party Chairman Grant Shapps has refused to go as far as expelling Mr Pilkington-Cunt but has warned that any continuation of acts of decency will not be tolerated within the party.
“He needs to make some bigoted generalisations about disadvantaged people, carry out a secret deal with a far right organisation, and be caught in a compromising position or he’ll just have to stand as an independent.” He explained.