Gove hints at releasing Florence Welch in time for Glastonbury

florence welch holloway prison

Justice Secretary Michael Gove has given his strongest hints yet that lead singer of Florence and the Machine, Florence Welch could well be granted parole in time for festival season.

“We all like listening to Florence and the Machine at home but it’s not quite the same as watching it in a field whilst drinking overpriced lager from flimsy plastic beakers and pissing into a bottle because you have to get through 14,000 people just to get to the loo.” He alluded cryptically.

The news will delight fans on both sides of the penal system.  As well as pressure from adoring fans, apparently 500 out of the 501 inmates at Holloway, where the singer is now residing, signed a petition to have her released early. In fact the only inmate not to have signed was Florence herself, who had just arranged to have a harp put in her cell and was planning to try and beat her own record of a 24 hour version of dog days are over.

One former inmate told us “It’s a tough environment. Holloway can be so tough that inmates have been known to rupture their own ear drums with knitting needles. Every single occurrence of this has been whilst Florence herself has been an inmate. And all in cells next to hers. She’s done really well to get through that. Still at least she has had her music.”

Other members of the machine are said to be delighted at her return to the outside world. One band member told us “We’re all excited about festival season. And as long as Florence stays up at the front where we can all see her and doesn’t start putting pool balls in a sock there’s no reason why anything should go wrong again.”

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