Sepp Blatter “I’ve never even seen a football”

sepp blatter

FIFA president Sepp Blatter has responded robustly to accusations that his role as Godfather of a criminal organisation is actually a front for games of football.

Speaking at the opening of FIFA’s congress Mr Blatter said  “I’ve never even seen a football, let alone kicked one. I can promise you I’m too concerned with bribery and money laundering to risk getting involved with any activities involving 22 men kicking a leather ball around in front of a huge crowd.”

The President, who seems likely to be voted in for a fifth term, admitted that as many as 20 people holding down senior positions in the organisation may have neglected their corrupt dealings in order to organise and even be spectators at games of international football.

“It’s a sad day for FIFA. All this time I have been flying around the world in a jet being entertained lavishly by corrupt nations and leaving with suitcases full of cash. I thought that that’s what my team were doing too. Ultimately I can’t be held responsible for that.” He explained.

Many sponsors have been unnerved by the revelations, sparking rumours that they may withdraw financially. Indeed a spokesman for Coca Cola said

“Until Mr Blatter admits he sometimes goes to a football match we may have to reconsider using his organisation as a platform to advertise our sugar laden, phosphoric acid containing beverage marketed as a lifestyle.”

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