New strain of scurvy resistant to oranges and lemons

Scientists have warned today that a new strain of scurvy which may be resistant to oranges and lemons is on the rise.

The vitamin industry has come under fire after repeated calls to invent new vitamins have been ignored.

A spokesman for the British Medical Association said “We’ve been a little bit too reliant on fresh fruit in recent years, even feeding it to livestock to keep them healthy. Sooner or later both scurvy and rickets were going to develop some sort of immunity to it.

“We should have a vitamin G now. Either through tablet form or by genetically constructing a new fruit that would be teeming with it. But it’s all about money. These companies just don’t want to know.

“Sadly apart from regularly taking anti-biotics the only thing we know of that can prevent such afflictions now are sausages. And even then only the ones that you get from chip shops are guaranteed. Without the batter casing most of the nutrients escape into the oil.”

A spokesman for Innocent smoothies said “It’s a huge blow to our business that we can no longer make any health claims regarding our fruit based products. On the other hand we’ve had years of wittering on about nothing else except fruit. And quite frankly if I so much as even see another fucking mango it’ll be too soon. Good riddance to it to be honest.”