Theresa May “The bible says I must take disabled people’s cars away”

Theresa May has only passed legislation to take mobility cars away from disabled people because it says so in the bible, according to an interview with the God-fearing Prime minister.

Speaking on the Marr show Ms May said “I’ve read the bible cover to cover and there is nothing that says that we should give disabled people a reasonably price entry-level car that’s three years old or less. So I’ve had them all repossessed. My Christian faith underpins everything that I do.

“Of course, I am mainly governed by compassion for the hard-working tax payer. Not the hard-working tax payers that wouldn’t mind helping someone who is disabled to afford a mode of transport that would effectively stop them from being prisoners in their own home. I mean the thoroughly unpleasant tax payers that don’t give a shit about anyone except themselves. I have compassion for them. And God.”

Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby said that it was admirable that Ms May was championing the Christian cause.

“We have a lot of competition from Muslims and Buddhists and the like who are just going round doing things like feeding people willy nilly. It’s marvellous that Theresa is helping promote Christianity by taking disabled people’s cars away. Their cars. She’s taking their cars away. And they’re disabled. And she’s taking their cars away from them. God will be so pleased.” He explained.