Robert Mugabe to advise George Osborne on economy


Robert Mugabe is to be flown into Britain to offer advice on fiscal policy as part of emergency Government measures, it was revealed today. Having recently brought inflation in his country from a figure of millions down to a mere several thousand per cent and being renowned for his no nonsense policies of bulldozing the homes of dissenters, he has been tipped as the man who can save Britains economy. As well as imposing stringent austerity cuts on demographic groups such as ‘people that look at him in a funny way’, Mr Mugabe has also retained public support winning election after election since the 1980s.

The move comes as Britain enters an unprecedented triple dip recession and critics of austerity measures grow rapidly in numbers to include Boris Johnson, the IMF, Goldman Sachs and the entire cast of Sesame street. But as Mr Mugabe has already said “Don’t listen to these people. These people are stupid and should learn to shut their stupid little mouths.”

Indeed such political analyses are making Mr Mugabe the toast of British right wing politics. Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith told us “I was starting to think that I was going a little bit to far with my benefit reform. But that lovely Mr Mugabe told me that we should be actually taking money from poor people rather than giving them money. And then make it illegal for them not to smile. He really is a tonic.”

“It’s not been as drastic as people think. Mr Mugabe asked me to redistribute all the land so that my mates owned it. He was very pleased to see that they already do.”


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