Kim Jong Un “We’ll stop if Danny Dyer stops making films”

kim jong deux

Supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has signaled that he may be prepared to cease all threats of launching a nuclear attack on South Korea or the USA on the proviso that cockney geyser thespian Danny Dyer ceases making his shit films immediately.

Close friend and confidant George Galloway told us “It’s no secret that Kim Jong Un loves western films. Well he used to, until they all started having Danny Dyer in. So he’s naturally felt the only way he can stop this nonsense is by developing long range nuclear capabilities. You can hardly blame him…”

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea have issued the following statement “Our Supreme Leader very much enjoyed ‘The Football Factory’ but is dismayed to find that now all films are Danny Dyer films.  Our only option is to launch a nuclear strike on Washington unless he stops immediately.”

Danny Dyer himself has voiced that the situation must not be taken lightly. “That Kim Jong Un mush, he’s a bit of a plumper but he’s a bit tasty and he’s freakin’ my nut” he explained to us yesterday.

It’s not the first time that the film industry has served as a catalyst to possible nuclear armageddon. The Cuban missile crisis in the 1960’s was only narrowly avoided after a pledge to keep Tommy Steele musicals down to a minimum.

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