Broke Nick Griffin to start a new life in the woods

Nick Griffin

Bankrupt British Nationalist Party Leader Nick griffin is embarking on a new life, living at one with nature in some woods, a BNP source confirmed this evening.

“This has nothing to do with the fact that he’s broke and owes everybody money. He’s just pining for a time when Britain had very little in the way of immigration. As it turns out we have been quite multicultural for at least a few hundred years so he naturally feels he can only recreate that golden era of uniculturalism by sleeping under a tree, foraging for berries and hunting squirrels with a spear. Obviously he’s going to miss his home comforts in particular his favourite meal of white pudding with white sauce and white bread. Normally the lads would bring some out to him, but he owes us all money as well so we’re going to leave him to it.”

Nature expert David Bellamy has applauded the efforts of the far right hate monger in his efforts to live the simple life. “I shouldn’t imagine he’ll be very happy when he finds out that none of England’s prehistoric trees from before the ice age still exist and all our so called ancient trees are actually imported by man or arrived naturally from elsewhere. He might have a problem with grey squirrels as well. But he’ll be fine. It’ll be just like I’m a celebrity, but much colder and without the cameras. Or Ant and Dec.”

Former Senior UKIP member and MEP Godfrey Bloom told us that he had not ruled out a similar life of uncosmopolitan frugality but could envisage possible flaws.

“He’s going to have to pick his woods carefully. He’s not going to be happy if it’s Tiger Woods. Or Forrest Whittaker. Or something.”

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