Egyptian Army invent a cure for everything

The Egyptian Government have today confirmed that it’s military have achieved a scientific breakthrough in finding a cure for absolutely everything.

The claims that in no way have anything to do with the upcoming Presidential elections have been hailed by army’s chief Field Marshal Abdul Fattah al-Sisi as the greatest breakthrough in modern human history, which should not be ruined by “Doctors” asking for “proof”.

Mr Al-Sisi explained “I can show you proof. I have a magic electrical stick that can recognise and cure aids and give it back again. And then take it away again. Watch this, I will try it on myself. I’m holding the stick up and as you can see I now have aids. I’m now holding it down and as you can see I no longer have aids. We have also invented a hat that can cure diarrhea. Look I’m wearing it now and I have the squits. I mean I haven’t.”

The move has caused ripples throughout the alternative medical world. One recent convert told us “I was getting bored of homeopathy, reiki healing and crystal therapy and for one desperate moment I almost took an interest in conventional proven medical science. Luckily we now have a pointy electric stick that cures all known ailments and any military regime who can come up with something like that gets my vote.”