Putin denies Hipsters are really Russian special forces

hipster

The Russian Ambassador has been summoned to Downing street this morning amidst accusations that Britain’s recent infestation with hipsters is all part of Vladimir Putin’s plan to widen the power of the Kremlin and increase the scope of the Russian federation into Europe.

Hipsters have been arousing suspicion from the public at large since their rapid increase in numbers over the last year, and with many completely taking over buildings such as charity shops, expensive pubs and boutique coffee shops, some locals  feel that they have been planted with a wider more sinister plot in mind.

One passer by told us “Who are these hipsters? Where did they come from?  Are they Russian special forces? One things for sure, I’ve lived around here all my life and I’ve never seen so many poncily dressed young men with stupid beards. No-one in their right mind would actually choose to spend so much time and energy looking like they don’t care. They must have been shipped in from somewhere.”

Russia has called the accusations completely unproven but has also promised to “protect all hipsters by any means necessary”.

Calls to deport all hipsters immediately have enjoyed widespread cross party support. A Government spokesman told us “We have no idea whether there is any truth in this or not. The ones we have spoken to won’t even admit to being hipsters let alone Russian agents. But we’re not taking any chances and will be deporting them to Russia or anyone else who will have them.”

 

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