Hunt “Doctors must practice reiki healing”

GP’s are going to have to practice Reiki healing in order to deal with a rapidly increasing workload, according to Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

Speaking to an audience of healthcare professionals, Mr Hunt explained “Doctors are always complaining about having to see so many patients but that’s because they’re not thinking outside the box. They’re thinking they have to bring everyone in to their office separately, sit them down and getting them to open their mouths and say ahh. But they have to realise that it’s 2014.  All they really need to do is walk into the waiting room, wave their hands around people’s chakras and reinvigorate their flow of chi.”

However BMA chairman  Dr Mark Porter, has argued that Reiki therapy may not necessarily be the answer for all ailments and warned of an over reliance on treating patients by jiggling their chakras.

“People can overdose on Reiki, and if it’s distance Reiki then it might hit anyone on its way to the patient.  We also have evidence that bacteria and viruses are starting to develop a resistance to Reiki.” he explained.

Indeed, Prime Minister David Cameron has recognised that overuse of Reiki may leave chakras at risk of running out of chi. “We need to invest in more alternative therapies like homeopathy, crystal therapy and thumping people in the back. So when each  stops curing people with it’s unproven loveliness we can invent some more.”

One GP told us “I better mug up on my chakras.”