UKIP to have annual seance

UKIP seance

The UK Independence Party have today announced that their first annual seance is to be held later on this year.

Speaking from outside a meeting held today in Glastonbury, UKIP leader Nigel Farage told us “In order to respect the fact that many of our members have ties to spiritualism, angelic reiki healing and direct conversations with God, it makes sense that we should include our members from beyond the mortal coil in any future policy making. We are the party of the paranormal and more of our members can communicate with the afterlife than any of the major parties. That’s a record that we’re very proud of.”

Whilst the mass seance is the first of its kind for UKIP, it is expected to conclude that angelic reiki healing and a subsequent abundance of spiritual chi will work a lot better if Britain pulls out of Europe and continues to blame immigration for unemployment, hospital waiting lists and any other issues.

David Cameron has denied that this has in any way prompted a recent Conservative party lurch towards spirtualism which has seen wealthy afterlife botherers Psychic Sally and Derek Akora offered advisory positions to the Government.

“Everybody likes to talk to their own personal guardian angel, ascended master or galactic being after a tough day, and then go on to use their spiritual force to channel reiki healing. In fact I personally like nothing more than to vibrate one of my chakras via a force from the nether world after Prime Minister’s Questions” he explained.

The Lib Dem policy on this apparent lurch towards spiritualism and the occult is unknown at this stage though many claim to have overheard Nick Clegg saying “Is there anybody there?”

 

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